What are positive birth affirmations and how do I use them?
Doulas, above everything else, are positive about birth and about women and about new families. One of the most outstanding benefits of inviting a doula to your birth is the positive way she will talk to you and encourage you. Sometimes (especially as women and especially as British people) we’re not all that kind to ourselves and thinking positive thoughts about ourselves and our abilities doesn’t always come easily. This is one reason positive birth affirmations can be so helpful. Make your own or print ours if you like. Stick them around your house where you will see them when you’re going about your day and read them every time you pass. That repetition of thought will make those thoughts start to get into your brain. Then when you’re in labour you can choose the one that works for you and repeat it to yourself as you breathe through your contractions. If your baby has arrived already you might find the positive affirmations for life with a new baby more useful.
I love my baby and I am doing all that is necessary to bring about a healthy birth.
This one can be helpful as you’re planning your birth, especially if you’re making choices that are not in the normal routine of things. People may say discouraging things to you but focusing on why you make your decisions and remembering you’re making good choices for you and your baby is important. It can also be helpful if you reach a point in labour when you make a different choice to your first choice birth plan you might need to help yourself focus on letting go of that first choice and feeling positive about your new choice knowing you’ve made it for good reasons.
2. Keep breathing slow and even. Inhale peace, exhale tension.
This is a good affirmation for anytime you need to relax, for times you feel stressed while pregnant and as your contractions start to feel like really hard work during labour and then when you’re holding your new baby wondering at the enormous love and responsibility you’ve taken on.
3. I feel the love of others around me.
It’s always good to remember as we birth we’re never alone, we’re surrounded by the love of the long line of birthing women we come from. The love of our sisters (by blood and by choice). One of the most positive things you can do for yourself as you prepare for your birth is to surround yourself with that support. Hang out with people who tell positive birth stories. Prep your birth partners to focus on increasing your oxytocin through every stage of your labour. Always remember if someone is in your birth space and is not helping you feel the love you have the right to ask them to leave no matter who they are.
4. My body will give birth in its own time.
Due dates are just estimates. Guidelines that stipulate a certain number of centimetres of dilation per hour are not the rules. There are no rules in how birth unfolds. If you’re happy and your baby is happy it’s all good.
5. I accept myself completely here and now.
Each birth is a new adventure for you and how you deal with contractions, the choices you make and the way you feel in each moment is always okay. Birth is not a pass or fail event it’s part of your journey and it’s up to you to speak kindly to yourself and accept how you feel and love yourself through each moment.
When your doula goes on call for your birth one of the first things she will do is make sure her doula bag is all packed and ready to go and safely kept so it can be grabbed on the way out the door to be with you.
You’re probably wondering what’s in this bag that makes it so special but before we get into that always remember what’s outside the bag is much more important. Sometimes birth happens fast and sometimes it takes even an experienced doula by surprise and we turn up by your side with nothing more than purse and keys. Any of the things we’re going to talk about can be improvised from what we find at your house or the hospital and many women will give birth without any ‘things’ at all just calm loving people marvelling at how wonderful they are.
Sometimes it can be a challenge, especially in our society where we find speed and measurement are so often expected to be a feature in birth experiences and where we often birth in unfamiliar surroundings, to reach that place of being totally in the zone and able to find the power in us to follow what our body is doing. The calm relaxing presence of a doula by your side is her main tool in helping you reach that place of feeling safe and relaxing into what your body is doing and letting it take over and get birth done. Her reassurance and ability to help those around you respect and honour your need for that calm quiet zone is her main tool and you can’t keep that in a bag.
When I asked the Hampshire doulas what from their doula bag they were most likely to use at a birth it came as no surprise that the things we use the most often are things that help women to find their birth zone and follow their body’s cues with the least possible disturbance. Our tools of the trade are the things which work with us in helping to hold the space women birth in and increase their natural levels of the all-important oxytocin.
Here we go with the answer to what is in our doula bags?
Battery Tealight Candles or Battery Fairy Lights.
One of the most important things for increasing the levels of oxytocin a birthing women is producing is to keep the lights low. Bright lights can make women too aware of their surroundings and the possibility of being observed which can stimulate the production of adrenalin -oxytocin’s natural enemy. Even when we’re at a birth without our bag we will help women to find a nice quiet spot to labour with low lights. The added benefit of the tea lights or fairy lights is they have a soft comforting light that we naturally associate with warm cosy evenings with our loved ones which helps women feel safe and produce more of the lovely oxytocin.
Women in labour need to keep hydrated, their bodies are doing really hard work and when we exercise we need to stay hydrated to keep our muscles working well. But when a woman is following her body’s cues to find the best position to stay comfortable she may not be in a great position for sitting back and drinking from a cup or bottle. Also taking small regular sips of water is often easier than trying to take a big drink. One frequent task doulas take on is holding the water and popping the straw in the right place to help the birthing woman stay hydrated without having her natural rhythm disrupted.
Coconut water, honey sticks, honey water, high protein nibbles.
As well as staying hydrated women need the energy to maintain their muscles to keep going through all the hard work, especially if they have a long labour. This needs to be provided, just as with the bendy straws for water, in a way that doesn’t disturb their natural labouring rhythm. So, having small easy to nibble high energy options to tempt mum with that she can finish in between contractions is something we’re practised at. We’re also very prepared for (and used to having) small amounts of things spat into our hands if a contraction hits and a woman feels she would prefer an empty mouth during contractions. One of the other things often in our doula bags is hand cream for ourselves in case we need to wash our hands frequently or have them into the water of the birth pool giving a back rub etc.
Not in every doula bag but in many because of the benefits of positive and relaxing smells in helping women stay in their labour bubble. A smell that you enjoy can help you relax and can cover up any unwanted smells like the medical smell of the hospital. There are other smells which can help you if you feel sick and others that can help you get your energy back. Some doulas have training or experience in using essential oils and will have a whole selection for you to choose from, the most popular during labour seem to be lavender and peppermint. Your doula will always chat to you about this during your pregnancy to make sure she only brings smells that you like into your birth space.
Flannel or face cloth.
This is a practical tool that gets used for various reasons. Sometimes it can be combined with the essential oils to keep them close enough to smell. (Not to be used for other things after that so sometimes we need two.) Other times it’s covered in cold water and used to help soothe a sweaty brow or on the back of the birthing woman’s neck to help cool her down. Sometimes it’s not needed till right at the end of labour when it can be soaked in warm water and used to support the perineum to help prevent tearing. Last but not least sometimes it’s needed after the birth to help the new mother clean herself up -those times we are ready to say thanks for all the hard work and goodbye to that trusty flannel and time to get a new one.
Homoeopathy, Acupuncture, photography, hypnobirthing, etc.
Some doulas are trained in other therapies or skills too and will bring their tools for that job with them. It might help you decide who’s the right doula for you if you know you would be interested in a certain type of complementary therapy or service check if your doula is willing and able to support you with that.
Snacks and a really good coffee for myself.
Knowing that we may well not get the chance for a break once we arrive at a birth we make sure we have good energising snacks for ourselves and potentially to share with a birth partner or midwife too. We need to keep ourselves full of energy so we can be as useful to you as long as you need us to whether your birth is short or long we’re totally in it with you for the whole time.